This week on It Takes Two, we have learnt...

- Vincent thinks fusion is easy – of course it is, when you choose the easiest combination.

- Robin’s heaven is a load of mirrorballs.  I know, such a surprise.

- Bruises are painted out with make-up.  BBC LIES!

- It was ‘just’ Nicky’s technique that let him down, according to Darcey.

- The samba is hard for the male celebrities.  Is there any dance these poor souls can actually do?

- ‘Everyone on Twitter’ was going mental about Craig’s score for Nicky and Karen.  Except me.  I was more going mental trying to figure out what the hell their dance was supposed to be.

- Karen Hauer hopes she’ll come back to Strictly.

- Nicky is never gonna dance again.  Guilty feet have got no rhythm.  Etc.

- Len claps himself when he’s introduced.  Of course he does.

- Len basically thinks Louis and Flavia copped out of the whole fusion thing and just did a rumba.

- Karen’s kick-ball-change challenge looks like the world’s slouchiest and slowest Riverdance (still, better that than Brendan’s sex faces last week).  She is by far the worst at the challenge so far.  Oh, Karen, way to enhance your employment prospects.  She thinks Vincent will win the challenge and wants Pasha to win the series.
- James enjoys poking Denise in the ribs.
- It takes James three days to choreograph a dance, and it takes Denise three days to learn it.
- The jive is the "wow" dance of the five Latin types, and the quickstep is the "wow" dance of the five ballroom types.
- Natalie used to be a beauty therapist. She gave her father a pedicure that left him barely able to walk.
- Erin once bought Anton a chest wax because he'd been mean to her and lied to him that it wouldn't hurt.
- Natalie wants a ballroom-oriented pro challenge next year.
- Dani’s dress had eight metres of fringing on it and over 5000 crystals.

- Geometric will be big next season.
- No male has ever got a 10 for the rumba. Apparently Christmas specials don't count.
- The girls are all ganging up on Louis and bullying him. Just in case he isn't already getting ALL THE OVARY VOTES.
- Steve is better at recognising Penny Lancaster's legs than Rod Stewart is.
- The Viennese waltz is the oldest of all the ballroom dances, dating back to the 18th century.
- Ian's grandmother is called Ethel.
- Pasha keeps reminding Kimberley there is no such word as can't. James keeps reminding us there is such a word as cu---[That's enough of that, thanks. - Telly Bitching Lawyers]

- Artem can’t resist an opportunity for injury porn, even if it’s just in the pro challenge.

- The new Guinness World Record holder for the most kick-ball-changes performed in 30 seconds is...Flavia Cacace! Pasha was second, and Erin was third.
- Lisa is the first celebrity to ask for a tangerine costume.
- The women get more bruises than the men, despite dancing being HARDER FOR MEN etc.
- Lisa's egomania now extends to her thinking that she and Robin singlehandedly made the cha cha cha famous in week one.
- Vincent wasn't breastfed as a child.
- Team dances look like being the next thing that Strictly is going to nick from Dancing With The Stars.
- In France, the scores on Dancing With The Stars are separated into "artistic" and "technical" scores. Let's hope that's not a future plan for over here.
- Pasha likes dancing with himself. (Not a euphemism.)
- Wiggle the Pig thinks Denise and James will top the leaderboard this week.